Monster Babies/Transcript
(Episode begins at the witches campgrounds) (Twinkle in distance) Alice: Old and moldy? twinkles Puff Cute as new. Daddy long legs. Cutie long legs! (Tapping on stones) Alice: Ugly Christmas sweater. Adorable cat sweater for cats! (Sweater meows) (Various cute things dance around) Alice: Ah-ha-ha-ha! My name is Alice Fefferman. And I can make anything cute! Gasps How'd you get in here? (Alice transforms a regular mouse into a cute mouse) (Giggles) Susie: Eh, I dunno. Enchanted house stuff's kinda last century, in my opinion. Alice: Oh, you're so right. I need to challenge myself. I need to find something insanely ugly! (Gasps) Freddie: Eggs, mini pizzas, brie, uh... Oh, Hot cross-buns! Alice: Hi, ugly monster! Hello! Freddie: No, no, no, no! I'm having a panic attack! Heavily I'm having a panic attack! Roars (Puff) (Giggles) (Freddie is transformed into a baby) Alice: Ah-ha-ha-ha! My name is Alice Fe-- Pepper: Gasps He's so cute! Can I have him? Alice: Yeah, sure. Pepper: I'm gonna name you Boof Macaroni. Alice: This is the challenge I needed! I made that monster so cute, and it only took 3 seconds to do. If I can turn a whole herd of monsters into babies, the world would be 52% cuter in eight shakes of a lambs tail! (Door Opens) Susie: I hear you doing maths! Angrily You're rubbish at maths. What's going on out there? Alice: -Well I -- Susie: -Too slow, I lost interest. Alice: Phew. Now I just need to find more monsters. But, they really do hate me. (Laughter) Howard: Okay, Oscar. Can you tell me what that is? Oscar: Those are pupperweeds. Their sap heals emotional wounds. Howard: -And that? Oscar: -That's a poisonous gut-shroom! Never touch its gut. (Gut-shroom whimpers) Howard: Congratulations, Oscar! You've officially passed the Monster's Wilderness Survival course. Oscar: Where'd you guys learn this stuff? Howard: We're educated monsters. Mortimer: I went to Harvard. Alice: Monster, monster, monster, monster! (Monsters run away) Oscar: Oh, hey! Huh? Alice: Aww. I was gonna invite all your monster friends for a tea party, but I guess they hate me. Oscar: What?! No way! I bet they're just shy. Don't worry. You put the kettle on and I'll go talk to them! (Alice laughs) Oscar: Are you guys okay? Tree: They're not going to the party, Oscar. Howard: Monsters are afraid of witches. Come on, honey, you know that. Oscar: Why are monsters afraid of witches? Howard: Why are we afraid of witches?! They're teenagers, with magical powers! They can't be trusted. Blanche: And they pick on us monsters cause we're easy going. Margot: -Everyone knows this! Oscar: -I didn't know! But Alice is like, the second-nicest camp counselor. And the second-last meanest! Howard, you taught me how to survive the wilderness. I'll help you survive Alice's tea party. We can even have a signal for if you get too nervous. Howard: I guess if there's a signal. (Laughter) Oscar: And then, Howard showed me how to make dinner out of tree bark. Alice: I had no idea you could do that! Ava: Yeah, and then Oscar made us a killer tree bark fettuccini alfredo. Alice: Don't you mean fettu-tree-ni? (Laughter) Howard: You're cool, Alice. I'm sorry we judged you. Alice: Ah, it don't matter. 'Specially since you're all about to turn into adorable bundles of cuteness. Howard: Heh Heh Heh, yeah. Wait, what? (Finger snaps, twinkle) (Door locks, music plays) Howard: I'm doing the signal! I'm doing the signal! Oh. (Howard transforms into a baby) (Coos) Oscar: Alice, what's going on? Stop it! (Maniacal laughter) Oscar: You're scaring them! (The rest of the Monsters transform into babies) (Baby sounds) Oscar: What the heck, Alice?! You were getting along so well, and you just turned them into babies? Alice: No. We turned them into babies. Oscar: Oh, no! (Alice puts all the Monster babies in a box outside) Oscar: Please don't give away my friends, Alice. Give away me instead. Cute-ify me! Alice: No way, drama queen. These babies belong to the world now. Besides, you're already a cutie. Alien: They used to say "Boo!" Now they say "Goo!" Monster babies! (Campers gasp) Alien: Cuter than you! Alice: Monster babies, get them while they're fresh! Oscar: It's a lie! They're not fresh! They're, like, 30 years old! Alice turned these monsters into babies without their permission! And I'm pretty sure they don't want this! These babies are not organic! Ah! They're gone! Alice: I know isn't it great? (Baby sound) Oscar: And why does no one like Howard? Alice: Why does no one like you? Oscar: Well, I like to think I take the moral high gr-- Hey! People like me! Alice: Ha! Okay. Have fun with that cute baby, Oscar. Oscar: Come back! I need you to fix Howard. (Wind blows) Oscar: I'm sorry I got you into this mess. Be free, young Howard. Live out your second youth in the primal innocence of the forest! (Spits) Hedgehog: -Hey, Oscar! Oscar: -Oh my gosh, hi! Where have you been?! Hedgehog: Oh, we went to ride the cool new waterslide... but a yeti sat on it and broke it. Ooh, who's the cute baby? Oscar: He's not a baby! (Cries) Oscar: Alice turned all the grown up monsters into babies. So I guess they're babies now. But it's a trick! And no one believes me. Hedgehog: We believe you. Max: Yeah, dude. Is that Howard? Man, he used to be so cool and complicated. Now he's just useless. Aw, man. I might be totally into this. Oscar: Aah. Hedgehog: Oh, brother. Come on guys, lets get this sorted out. Door: Knock, knock, knock! Betsy: Open! This looks like a whole thing that's none of my business. Oscar: Betsy, as the first nicest witch, you can't possibly be okay with how Alice is cutiefying these monsters. Betsy: Oh yeah, I heard about that. First of all, yes, I am the nicest. But Alice is actually the most powerful of our group. She's the best at binding spells. And "cute babies" is totally her brand. Sorry guys, I can't help you. Max: Aw, your ear's all upside down. Let Poppa Max fix your ear wittle Howie! Oscar: This makes me deeply uncomfortable. Hedgehog: Ok, so, it takes 50 years for a monster to reach adulthood. If the waterslide wasn't broken, that would be 36,500 trips down the waterslide. Marshmallow: Ahhahhh! Oscar: Hedgehog, I love you, but that's not super helpful! We gotta fix this soon! Before it get's any worse. These are educated monsters! Not babies! Margot is on a leash! (Giggles) Oscar: And Mortimer is using the same password for every website! And Blanche is eating too much salt! (Farts) Oscar: She's not supposed to have salt. Max: The problem is everybody loves babies. And why wouldn't they? Tree: Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Bad Kid: Weeeee! Oscar: Hey kid, where's your baby? Bad Kid: Oh, I put him down, somewhere. I'm five! I guess my mom was right. I'm too young to have kids. (Giggles) Bad Kid: I just wanna enjoy my fives, you know? Maybe when I'm six! Oscar: That's it! We gotta get these kids to start thinking about something other than monster babies, and be like this kid. This terrible, terrible kid. But how? Marshmallow: Ahh! Hedgehog: Oscar, the water slide is the answer to both our problems. Oscar: Yeah! (Oscar and Hedgehog begin to construct a waterslide) (Waterslides smooching) Crystal: Looking good! Oscar: Final nail, Hedgehog! -Whoo! Hedgehog: -Whoo! (Babies crying) Campers: -Cool -What's this? -It's so cool. -Neat. Hedgehog: Ehhhh? Ehhh? Lem: Whoa! Can we go on the water slide?! Hedgehog: Sorry, kids with babies have to play it boring and safe. Not like us though. We got a while waterslide to slide on and no babies to hold us back. I said, "no babies to" -- Max: Exaggerated Hello there! Can we join you on this great water slide? Pepper: Nah man, they don't let babies on. Max: Well then, I will just return this baby back to Alice and enjoy this waterpark. (Howard farts) Oscar: Great idea, stranger! Tink! Pepper: Wait, they don't know each other? Oscar: -Okay, Hedgehog, you ready? Hedgehog: -Finally! Oscar and Hedgehog: No babies! No babies! No babies! No babies! No babies! No babies! Lem: Whoa. (Sweater meows) Door: Knock, knock, knock. (Alice approaches door) Door: Uh, I don't think you're gonna like this. (Gasps) Campers: No babies! Alice: Ahh! (Baby sounds) (Spits) Campers: Water slide! Alice: Groans Ah! (Baby sounds) (Dollar gets ripped in half by baby Howard) Dollar: My value! (Pillow rips open) (Record scratches) Alice: This isn't cute at all! Okay. Fine, Oscar. You win! I know what I gotta do. I gotta get rid of them. crashes (Alice conjures a dark cloud from her wand) Oscar: What?! No! Just turn them back into adult monsters! (Wand sizzles) Alice: Oh, yeah, that's so much easier! Oscar: And the right thing to do. Alice: Yeah, yeah, I know. Grow up! (Wand twinkles) (The Monsters are restored to their former selves) (Creaks! Pop!) Alice: So, we're cool, right? Howard: Oh, we'll never trust a witch ever again. Come on, honey, you know that. Alice: -That's fair. Freddie: -Sniffles Oscar: What's wrong, Freddie? Freddie: It's just, I really wanna be a baby again. I've never had such much unconditional love before. Sniffles Alice: Fine, don't be so dramatic. (Wand twinkles) (Puff) (Freddie transforms back into a baby) (Coos) (Baby Freddie returns to the other Monsters) Oscar: Alice, you really are the second nicest witch after all. Alice: Hush up, Oscar. (Episode ends) Category:Transcripts